Paintball and Eggs
by inabox
Summary: When Jack Frost combines paintball and snowball fights, everyone feels their pranking wrath. To put a stop to the carnage, Bunny challenges Jack to a mono a mono capture the flag duel, paint snowballs versus egg bombs. It begins... Complete and total whimsical fluff.
1. Glitter Paint and Snow

Paintball and Snow

Jack knew kids did a lot of things that didn't have to do with snow. He knew that other things could be fun, things like reading and painting and playing games. Not everyone liked to make snowmen and he respected that. So he kept up to date on all the new ways to have fun as best he could, being mostly invisible. After all, it was nice to have a few tricks up your sleeve.

So when he found the group of teenagers who seemed to be attacking each other with some kind of projectile, he was shocked to feel the amounts of fun coming off of them. Shocked, and confused, and intrigued. They would peek out from behind their respective shelters brandishing some sort of weapon, fire small objects at each other, and then duck back into safety.

He hovered closer, investigating. He could see now that the weapon was a kind of nonlethal gun that shot round pellets (he had found a few containers of the things) which would splatter on contact. So, in a way, it was like a grown up snowball fight with weapons and stunts, Jack thought. He could deal with that. But still, you couldn't beat a good old fashioned snow day. One of the pellets hit the wall next to him and exploded into a tiny spray of green paint.

And then he got an idea.

Even after he had carefully filched supplies off North without the yetis noticing, his plan had proved to me more difficult than he had originally thought. It probably wouldn't have worked at all with just regular snow, but this is Jack Frost we're talking about, and when it came to mischief, he would find a way. And he did, eventually.

It was a snowball. Sort of. It consisted of a hollow ice sphere just strong enough not to break accidentally and just thin enough to disintegrate nicely on impact. He would then fill it with a careful amount of paint and freeze over the hole. Next the ball was covered in layers of snow. They also threw differently than a regular snowball. The sloshing liquid could put a different spin on it if there wasn't the correct amount and if he wasn't careful, he'd accidentally freeze the paint inside, which would be more painful and less humiliating. He practiced on snowmen, trees and rocks of varying heights and distances until he could throw them as flawlessly as if he'd been born to do it.

Once he had perfected it, the only thing left to do was make more. A lot more. He was practically giddy with excitement as he surveyed his creations. It was time for the maiden voyage.

"And now vee just vait for Jack and Bunny-"

"FROST! YA BLOODY LARRIKIN GET BACK HERE SO I CAN JOB YA-" A positively fuming Pooka warrior burst into the globe room, eyes scanning the rafters for the spirit of winter. There was a short silence as he caught the horrified gazes of the three guardians. Tooth's eyes were wide, her hands covering her mouth.

"B-Bunny-" A choked noise escaped the fairy's fingers. And then the silence was broken by North's booming laughter. Tooth could hold it in no longer and burst into uncontrollable giggles.

"Old friend- what happened?" North managed to say.

"The bloody wanker dumped snow on me!" the Pooka snapped.

"You-" Tooth gasped. "You look adorable!"

Bunny realized he was missing something. He scratched his fur in confusion, only to feel that it was matted down with something sticky. He looked down in horror. His carefully groomed fur was soaked from ears to tail in something bright pink and sparkly. E. Aster Bunnymund, fearless Pooka warrior, was sparkly. A look of complete horror dawned on his face as a very familiar laugh filled the room. Jack Frost was doubled over on the Globe of Belief, laughing harder than Bunny had ever seen.

"Oh, I really wish I had a camera right now..." he said, wiping at his eyes. The Pooka lunged at Jack, who leapt into the air and sped off with a whoop, the Guardian of Hope close on his heels. Sandy conjured a calendar and a question mark made of sand.

Reschedule? North could only nod as the yells of Hope and Fun echoed through the halls.

The paint snowballs had worked beautifully, and the glitter certainly added a nice touch. They were unique, accurate, and the snow poofed out in a cloud, but was still damp enough too seep through clothes and fur, disorienting the victim and giving Jack time to escape- or strike again. They were becoming somewhat of a trademark finishing touch to his pranks, and each of the guardians had fallen prey to them at leased once. With his new arsenal, Jack vowed never to give them a moment of peace, at least not during daylight hours.

Unfortunately, he was living up to that promise, and long-suffering had never been Bunny's strong suit.

"A'right ya drongo, I've had it!" he roared, wiping green paint and confetti from his eyes. "We're settling this, man ta man."

Jack laughed, settling casually on his staff, face set in a cocky grin. "What are you saying, Kangaroo?"

"A showdown. Jus' you an' me, Frostbite. Your snowballs against my egg bombs, unless yer chicken."

Jack was genuinely disgusted. "Chicken? I'm going to give you the whooping of a lifetime. It's on, Kangaroo."

North would have none of it. "Vee are guardians! Vee protect ze children, ve do not fight each other!"

"North's right, Bunny, you can't fight each other. What if one of you gets hurt?"

"Oh, come on, Tooth, I'll go easy on the little show pony if it makes ya feel better." Bunny smirked and Jack scowled at him. Sandy tugged on North's sleeve, a picture forming above his head. Two goals, a scoreboard and a whistle.

"A competition, you say?" North stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Vat did you have in mind?" The sand formed into two flags with a wavy line separating them down the middle.

"You mean like capture the flag?" Tooth asked. Sandy nodded.

"I guess that could work..." North mused.

"You guess?" Bunny said.

"What's wrong, Bunny?" Jack smirked. "Having second thoughts?"

The rabbit snorted. "Course not. We both know I'd beat ya with my paws tied behind my back."

"Oh, really?" Jack smiled widely, crossing his arms and leaning back on the air. "I'd like to see that."

"So if Bunny wins, Jack has to stop making the paint snowballs, and if Jack wins-"

"I get to shave Bunny."

"Wha- NO!" Bunny took an involuntary step back. "Not on yer nelly, Mate. No way."

"Look who's suddenly changed his mind! What ever happened to beating me with your paws tied behind your back?"

Bunny fumed. If he backed out now, Jack would never let him forget it and the pranking would continue. But if he lost... The guardians wouldn't really let Jack shave him, right?

"Fine," Bunny growled, "a competition it is."

"It is settled then!" North proclaimed. "Vee vill make preparations!"

Bunny hoped he wasn't going to regret this later.


	2. Chapter 2, Turn of Events

Part Two, Turn of Events

Tooth, North and Sandy outlined the rules. The arena had to be somewhere both Jack and Bunny were equally unfamiliar with, so North had chosen a remote valley, with plenty of trees and rocks for cover, neutral toward spring and cold. The arena was divided down the middle with a low-lying rope, leaving a circular neutral area in the center. Jack and Bunny would be given two days to explore and prepare their own side and hide their flag. Each would be allowed a supply depot in a location of their choosing. Once the competition started, neither party could touch the other with their magic. Jack would be allowed to fly, but not above the height of the trees, and Bunny could only use his tunnels on his own side of the arena. The first one to capture the other's flag and return with it to their own flag would be the winner.

Jack and Bunny agreed to the terms and began their preparations.

Four days later, the day of glory had arrived. Jack carefully situated the pile of snowballs in the bag at his side and paced around the clearing he was in, staff resting casually across his shoulders. He looked up when a flash of color caught his eye and the familiar bird-like fairy flitted toward him, cheeping.

"Hey, Baby Tooth! Come to watch me kick some furry tail?" Jack flashed his brilliant white teeth in a trademark cocky grin. Baby Tooth chirped happily and flew around his head in a circle. Tooth nagged him multiple times about engaging in this immature behavior (but honestly, he's the eternally-young bringer of snowballs and funtimes, did she honestly expect him to be mature?), and Jack was glad that her helper had a different opinion.

On the other side of the neutral zone where the competition would begin, Bunny compulsively checked over all his supplies, mentally running numbers, reviewing his hiding places, thinking over the weakest areas in his territory, the best places to hide, ambush or be ambushed. Across the clearing he could see the boy showing off for one of his tiny fangirls Tooth's mini fairies. The boy seemed completely unfazed by the fact that he was about to engage in a battle with a seasoned magical warrior. Maybe the boy really _did _have icicles for brains.

Either way, the show pony wouldn't know what hit him.

Above them, the other three guardians sat suspended on a cloud of Sandy's dreamsand.

"Oi, Frostbite, you done flirting over there or what? I've a competition ta win an' I ain't got all day." Bunny called.

"Oh, don't mind me, I'm just putting the finishing touches on my victory speech for after I destroy you."

"I'm quakin' in terreh." Bunny snarked.

North yelled down at them. "Are ve ready?"

"Finally, can we get this show on the road?"

"On sound, vee begin!" North shouted.

"On your mark…"

Both competitors flowed into action stances, poised to strike.

"Get set…."

Bunny smirked up at the guardians. "Ya might wanna step back." Grasping his meaning, Sandy brought the cloud up a good fifteen feet. And then the whistle sounded and the clearing exploded in purple smoke.

It had begun.

There was a barely discernable hiss as an egg whized past his ear and exploded against the ground. Jack whirled around, the readied snowball streaking across the clearing like lightning. He fired two more in quick succession, then dove and rolled behind a rock. He heard three smashes as eggs collided with its hard surface.

Jack leaned out from behind his shelter, squinting through the thinning purple mist.

_Where are you, Cottontail…._

He was answered with an egg to the back of the head. Cursing, he leapt into the air and rained fire down on the rabbit. Unfortunately, said rabbit was incredibly fast, and in a fraction of a second, Bunny had sprung up and kicked him out of the air.

Jack landed on his feet, a small smile on his face. 300 years of running across icy rooftops for the fun of it had taught the winter spirit a thing or two about agility. Two could play at this game.

Now that Jack had gotten used to Bunny's speed, the amount of snowballs that connected more than doubled, to the boy's great satisfaction. He hid behind the rock again, looking across to where Bunny crouched in the shadow of a scraggly tree. His shoulders were plastered in bright green paint and circular splotches of purple and blue adorned his arms and torso.

"Gosh Kangaroo, we aughta stick you in an Easter basket!" Jack's laugh was cut short by an egg bomb to the face. He coughed and staggered backward as it exploded into a choking cloud of chalky powder.

He felt three small collisions with this back and turned to see his rival bounding toward him. Jack dove out of the way, throwing a snowball that smashed on the ground, leaving a slushy puddle of snow and paint right in Bunny's path.

The rabbit slipped and crashed to the ground with a surprised cry and Jack sprang into the air, laughing as he took off into the trees.

"Zees ees lame, dey heet eech other more den dis at meetings!"

"North!" Tooth said, flabbergasted. "This is _not _funny! This is serious and I can't _believe _you let them-"

"Is game, Toothy! Jack defeated Pitch, eggs ees nothing!"

"I still can't believe you're encouraging this… this…" she gestured down at the forest from their spot on the cloud of dreamsand. "Sandy, back me up on this!"

Two gazes turned to the guardian of dreams, who was, well, dreaming. Again. As North decided on whether to wake him up or not, Tooth's worried gaze drifted back down to the treetops. North had just decided to let Sandy sleep when the little man was jolted awake by a sudden cry.

"Look! Something's happening!"

An explosion of multicolored smoke drifted up from below the treetops.

"FROSTBITE!"

A faint laughter drifted on the wind from the other end of the forest.

"FROSTBITE!"

Jack laughed aloud. Booby trap no. 1 officially discovered. He seriously wished he could see the look on the Kangaroo's face now… but first things first; he had a flag to find.

Easier said than done. Jack had forgotten the crucial fact that the Easter Bunny hid things for a living, and after blundering around for almost an hour, Jack had turned up completely empty-handed.

He clawed himself out of a particularly thorny bush only to realize that he had traveled in a full circle and was back in the same clearing for the third time in a row. Jack groaned and flopped against the trunk of a nearby tree. He lifted his staff and shot a burst of ice at a nearby rock in frustration. This "game" was not turning out to be very fun. He leaned his head against the bark of the tree, which made a startling crunching noise.

_What the…. _Jack leapt forward and turned around to stare accusatorially at the wood. It had… _cracked_. Jack lifted his arms and slammed the butt of his staff into the fracture. It crumbled and with a few more hits, it caved in to reveal… eggs. _Lots_ of eggs.

Jack smiled. He had found the secret stash.

Bunny heaved a soggy arm over the edge of the pit and gingerly pulled himself up and flopped out onto the ground. That… that was not okay. Reason one being the fact that Bunny had actually _not seen_ the pit trap- who had taught that kid to camouflage anyway?- second being that when he had fallen, he had actually landed _on_ his bag of egg bombs, causing the aforementioned explosion, and third being the fact that the pit was _filled_ with little demonic balls of paint and snow, which all immediately liquified, making climbing out very difficult.

So, yeah, you could say that Bunny was not very happy.

The giant rabbit got to his feet and shook the dripping paint from his fur. To his relief, he hadn't been completely drenched, which was good because that stuff was _cold_. But in any case, he now had a sudden shortage of egg bombs, which meant losing all the ground he had gained to go get more. With a sigh, Bunny turned back and began running through the forest toward his stash of weaponized googies.

Except that there was no stash. Bunny stared at the empty tree trunk with mixed feelings of confusion and dread. This was where he hid them, right? Of course it was.

And then he saw the frost melting on a nearby rock, and there was just dread.

Frostbite found the eggs.

_Frostbite found the eggs._

Well then, it was a good thing that Bunny was an expert in hand-to-hand combat.

Jack was practically giggling as he hurried away from the clearing with his arms full of his opponent's only weapons. No, scratch that, he _was_ giggling, and I mean that in the manliest way possible.

Once a good distance away, Jack dumped his last load on the pile he had made and looked around excitedly. Oh, the possibilities…. There had to have been hundreds of the things, it was remarkable that the tree had been able to hold them all. And there was no chance of him carrying all of them around.

And then he got an idea. It involved him going back into his own territory, which would slow him down, but he was okay with that. This was _definitely_ worth it.

Now that his resources were in the hands of the enemy, Bunny had no time to waste. With limited options and facing an enemy who was now twice as dangerous, he had to move as quickly as possible.

Lucky for him, moving quickly was something he excelled at.

He could do this. He just had to play his cards right, and at this rate, it would take the frost spirit ages to find his flag. Bunny would get out of this, and he would get out of it with his pride- and his fur- intact.

After all, Jack Frost wasn't the only one who could set traps.

Said Jack Frost was currently hanging upside down and spinning gently in a circle, dangling by one ankle, and he was _not_ happy about it. He was stuck, he was upside down, his staff was out of reach and _what_ was he supposed to do with his left leg? Being suspended by only his right leg was not only painful and embarrassing, but it left him with this floating appendage that couldn't seem to find a position that wasn't horribly uncomfortable and/or ridiculous looking. It floundered off to the side while Jack reached up and clawed at the rope tied around his leg. If anything, it just seemed to get tighter.

Well wasn't this just delightful.

Jack gave up on the rope and flopped back down to glare at his staff as he slowly spun away from it. He waited a few seconds until he had turned to face it again and made a few wild grabs for it, which turned up fruitless. The movement made him sway slightly, and he tried to swing himself to get closer, but that only succeeded in more painful positions and the realization that his staff was too far below him to reach.

"Hey, Wind, a little help here?" The wind ruffled his hair apologetically, but did manage to stop his pendulum swing. Jack sighed and folded his arms across his chest, glaring at his staff again. "Traitor."

At this rate, he'd be stuck up here for a couple of hours and the kangaroo would keep all his fur. Jack frowned. No. He did not come this far to not see the Easter Bunny be publicly humiliated. He reached up and pulled at the rope again, but only succeeded in covering it in a layer of frost.

Frost.

Even without his conduit of power, he could still make frost, and he could still freeze a rope solid. Probably.

Jack wrapped both hands around the rope and concentrated. He imagined his winter magic flowing out through his fingertips and freezing the rope so that it was as brittle as a twig. He envisioned it freezing solid between his hands and then snapping as easily as an icicle. He opened his eyes.

Yeah, nothing.

The layer of ice on the rope was thicker, but it was still a rope and not an ice cube. Apparently visualization and positive thinking were getting him nowhere. Irritation flared inside him. To think that he had engaged an ancient Pooka warrior in a battle earlier that day, and here he was being defeated by a piece of rope. He, Jack Frost, _the _spirit of winter, couldn't even freeze something without his staff. He squeezed the rope in an iron death grip, frustration boiling inside him. He wanted to punch something.

"Come _ON! _Freeze, dang it!"

And then cold flared beneath his hands, there was a cracking sound, and he hit the ground with a loud thump.

He blinked, dazed. And then something caught his eye. Something green, intricately decorated, made of fabric, and tied to a stick.

Jack smiled.

Bunny was feeling pretty good about himself, despite things. He was deep in Jack's territory and was getting close to his destination, judging by the sudden increase in traps, most of which he had been able to avoid. The fact that Frostbite hadn't bothered to disguise his scent was also helping things.

Bunny emerged from the trees to see a small clear area leading up to a steep cliff face. A waterfall poured out of the rock and next to it, a scraggly tree grew out of a crack in the stone, something bright blue stuck in its branches.

_Of course,_ Thought Bunny. _Of course it had to be somewhere high. _He knew he would be able to climb up, there were plenty of footholds, but that didn't mean he was fond of the idea. He was the only guardian who didn't fly regularly and he did NOT like heights. He was just fine on (or under) the ground, thank you.

But if he wanted to keep his fur, he would have to deal with it.

Hesitantly, the Pooka approached the rock face and took hold of a jutting lump of stone. He screwed his eyes shut. _I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you…. _He wasn't sure if the words were directed at the cliff or the one who was making him climb it. Probably both. He shuddered. He'd take him armies of nightmares over this any day.

Slowly, he began to climb. Once he was about twenty feet up, he reached a small ledge just big enough to stand on. The flag was still several yards away, but there was no way in Hades that he going any further up this infernal precipice. He slid out one of his boomerangs and took careful aim as best he could while still clinging to the rock for dear life. The boomerang connected with the spindly branch the flag was supported by and the flag slipped a few inches. Another throw and the branch splintered. On the third throw, the branch snapped and plummeted to the ground, the blue flag dropping with it.

Bunny wasted no time in climbing down and tucking the flag into his leather belt. He took a steadying breath, then allowed himself a victorious smile.

_With my paws tied behind my back,_ he thought.

Jack was elated. He had the flag and he was already back in his own territory. All he had to do now was get back to the tree where he had hidden his flag and the Easter kangaroo would be at his nonexistent mercy.

He pushed through the brush to enter a small clearing not far from his destination. This was going to be so-

Jack's train of thought suddenly broke off as he came face to face with Bunnymund who had just emerged from the brush directly across from him. They stared at each other in stunned silence for several seconds. The reality of the situation slowly sunk in as they stood there, Jack with a green flag, Bunny with a blue one.

"Well," Jack remarked, "this is an interesting turn of events."

"So you found it," Bunny said.

Jack scowled. "Yeah, I did. And your booby traps are pathetic."

Judging by the younger's reaction, he had clearly fallen for said trap and wasn't happy about it. Bunny smirked.

"Still got ya." He nodded to the green flag in the boy's hand, tone darkening. "I'm gonna need that."

Frost cocked an eyebrow. "Not a chance."

"Then I'll have ta take it from ya."

"I'd like to see you try." Bunny lunged and the sprite sped off before he could reach him.

The trees were thick, which made flying difficult, especially at high speeds and Jack had barely gotten twenty yards before he was tackled out of the air.

"Gimme that!"

"Never!"

The two struggled for a moment before Jack realized where they were. His blue eyes suddenly widened in panic.

"No, wait, Bunny, this is-"

He didn't get to finish. What Jack realized, in that moment, was that they were where he had hidden his stash of snowballs. Or, rather, _under_ his stash of snowballs. It also happened to be where he put Bunny's entire supply of egg bombs. And for some unexplainable reason, Jack had decided to make his stash a trap, and it was coming back to bite him. This hadn't been a problem for Jack, as he knew where the trigger was and he could just fly up any time he needed to resupply.

But for Bunny, it was a different story, and since Jack and Bunny happened to be in close proximity, they were going down together.

Bunny followed Jack's gaze upward and they both watched in horror as the sheet of glass above them shattered.

"OH NO-"

_Boom._

Due to the thick trees, the guardians hadn't been able to see most of what was going on, but this particular explosion could've been seen from space.

Streams of paint in every vibrant color imaginable suddenly geysered upward like an exploding water balloon, equally colorful smoke pluming up in a massive mushroom cloud. Drops of falling paint pelted everything like a rainstorm.

It was enormous, terrifying, and incredibly beautiful. The guardians were completely dumbstruck.

"What… was… THAT?!"

Jack and Bunny clawed their way out of the multicolored quagmire that they had unintentionally created, coughing and gasping for air.

"What… in MiM's name… was THAT?!"

Jack gave no answer. There was not a single centimeter of them that was not soaked to the bone in sticky, cold paint. Being on the receiving end of his creations was not something Jack ever wanted to repeat. The two flags were so drenched that it was impossible to tell which was which.

"So… who won?" Jack asked.

"Based on the level of humiliation…. Call it a mutual loss."

"Never speak of this again?"

"Agreed."

There was an awkward silence while they waited to be mercilessly ridiculed by the others.

"Even though I didn't technically lose," Jack started tiredly, "I don't think I'll be making those again any time soon."

Bunny nodded, and then they heard the booming laughter of Nicholas St. North as he spotted them. They both winced.

Back at the pole, after scrubbing themselves enough for a total of fourteen showers each, Jack was sitting on the couch in the lounge, scraping paint from beneath his fingernails. Tooth drifted in, failing miserably in her attempts to hide her grin.

"Well, look at the bright side, Jack, since you're not making them anymore, something like this will never happen again!"

Jack shifted uneasily and Bunny gave him a look.

"You don't have any more, right?"

"I… may or may not have a giant secret stash of them hidden at the pond…."

"So what are we going to do with the rest of them?"

Jack's worst kind of smile spread slowly across his face.

"I have an idea."

Jack and Bunny crouched next to the rotting wooden bed frame, tingling with anticipation.

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea, Frostbite."

"Well, it's not like we can go in and just un-boobytrap the place. I mean we already-"

He was cut off by an echoing cry of surprise and the sound of numerous wet things smashing, a short silence, and then an ear-splitting cry of disgust and rage that could be heard for miles.

They couldn't stop their peals of laughter, and suddenly a presence appeared behind them. They turned to see a dripping bright-orange bogeyman, looking completely furious beyond words.

There was a long silence in which he simply stared at them, his expression changing from churning infernal fury to confused and back.

"Uh, hey Pitch, looking good!" Jack stammered. Bunny snorted and was met with a frosty elbow in the ribs.

Just as the bogeyman looked as if he were ready to get over his stunned silence, explode in a fiery whirlwind and violently murder something, Bunny grabbed the back of Jack's hoodie and dragged him into a tunnel.

They leaned against the wall of the tunnel, gasping. They stared at each other, stunned, then burst out laughing.

"I thought we were gonna die," Jack said. "How long do you think before he finds the other eleven traps just like it?"


End file.
